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Ask Zelda: Romantic advice from AN AFFAIR TO DISMEMBER

An Affair to Dismember, Elise Sax’s hilarious series debut introduces matchmaker-in-training Gladie Burger, who stumbles into a dangerous quagmire of murder and red-hot romance. After Gladie’s Grandma Zelda’s neighbor suddenly dies, she takes the investigation into her own hands determined to prove it’s a murder. But soon she’s being pursued by both the murderer and a few hot love interests. Meanwhile, her Grandma Zelda is still handing out romantic advice to anyone who writes in. Here are just a few of the sweet and sometimes hilarious letters from some of Zelda’s readers, along with her answers. Enjoy!

Don’t forget, you can enter to win a copy of Elise’s book this week only here!


Dear Zelda,

I’m ready to give up. I’ve gone out with every selfish jerk loser in a hundred mile radius. There’s no one good out there. Will I ever find love?

Signed: Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

Like my mother used to say: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.” But on the other hand, if you kiss a lot of frogs, you’ll wind up with warts and probably a cold sore or two. So, now’s the time to take a deep breath and slow it down. You’ve put yourself out there, but maybe you are attracting and are attracted to the wrong frogs. Believe me, there are still good ones out there and even a few princes. I see them every day in my line of work. Good guys looking for love. They’re kissing their share of frogs, too, dolly. So, change it up! Go to different places, wear different outfits, change your attitude and your mind. The only way to make a change in your love life is to make a change. And by the way, I have a feeling about you. You will find love…

Zelda

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Dear Zelda,

My boyfriend wants to make love with the lights on, but I don’t want him to see all my body’s flaws. How do I get him to be happy with the lights off?

Signed: What You Don’t Know Won’t Hurt You.

Dear What You Don’t Know Won’t Hurt You,

I hate to tell you this, but your boyfriend already knows what you look like with the lights on. Men don’t need light to know that a woman’s boobs droop, her thighs are plentiful, and her butt has more dimples than butt. Men know. I’m assuming by your question that he has already more than a passing acquaintance with your body, even in the dark. If he wants the lights on, it’s because he really appreciates you. He wants to see you in all your glory. So flaunt it, bubeleh. Flaunt it! Strut your stuff and leave him begging for more. Phew. Is it hot in here?

Zelda

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