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I WANNA MARRY HARRY, Episode Four

Good day Guvna. This week we find ourselves in the throes of cat fights and early exits, so let’s get to it. Karina wakes up in paradise, also known as the crown suite. It’s a lovely morning and the fear of being eliminated has been forgotten—for now. She receives a note inviting her to breakfast in the English heartthrob’s room. Prior to her entry, a smokescreen has been placed in the form of a Photoshopped image of Matt (the man currently known as Harry) and Prince William. While sipping tea, Karina spots the bait. “Is that who I think it is?” She asserts, “I knew it!” Harry the Imposter confirms that the man in the photo is his brother. Then [...]

I WANNA MARRY HARRY, Episode Three

Our story begins with Kimberly, last week’s crown suite winner, sleeping soundly in her private chambers. Kingsley wakes her up bright and early for her day date with Mr. Doppelganger. Sir, Kingsley’s pet name for the man of the show, escorts her to a hot air balloon. Not just any hot air balloon—one with the British flag on it! Lest we forget what country we’re in. Kimberly is beside herself at the gesture, saying, “This is the nicest thing a guy has ever done for me.” As if he inflated the balloon himself. Back at the estate, the sun is up and Jackie regrets calling Anna Lisa and Meghan the “mean girls.” Meghan has no misgivings about last episode’s quarrel [...]

I WANNA MARRY HARRY Episode Two

Hello old chums. Last night we found our artificial prince and the first crown suite princess, Rose, the morning after the premier episode. Fake Harry sneaks up on her while she’s brushing her teeth donning a towel on her head. Once caught, she says, “I feel like a ding dong.” Rose, honey, it is he who should have knocked and please refrain from using the expression ding dong. The pair enjoy an intimate breakfast “…in the fresh light of day without our masks on,” the Not Prince observes. Feeling brave, Rose gets right to the point, “You’re a dead ringer for Prince Harry!” He plays coy and confesses to the camera that he needs to plant a few more seeds [...]

I WANNA MARRY HARRY Premiere

The obsession with all things British has infiltrated reality TV. During last night’s premiere of I Want to Marry Harry, we met Matt Hicks—a 23-year-old who has been told he looks like Prince Harry most of his life but who actually spends his days cleaning up oil spills—as well as the 12 women hoping to be courted by him. The flock of females enter an old English Manor, not knowing who they’re going to meet, and start speculating immediately. One woman draws on the context clues and exclaims, “I think he’s British!” Before the doppelganger—who does bear a strong resemblance to Harry—can start wooing the women, he needs a crash course in being fourth in line to the British throne. [...]

PENNY DREADFUL, Episode Two

Despite being entirely free of spiders, the second episode of Penny Dreadful dials up the weird and the symbolic. The possible relationship permutations develop significantly. We open with a shivering prostitute sitting on a bench in the dark.  She unwraps an apple to eat, examining the newspaper it was wrapped in which reports on the possible return of the Ripper.  She becomes frightened as she hears the approach of a man, but it seems he is only a lamplighter, although he chooses not to light the lamp over where she sits – it seems she is already in darkness.  Soon, she is attacked and her arm with the apple still in its hand is torn off.  This is our fair [...]

Reality Romance: TRUE TORI, Episode Three

TRUE TORI was excruciating this week. I barely know where to begin. First, they had another therapy session with Dr. Wexler. Tori told Dean that she knew he always had the expectation that their sex life would stay the same as it had been at the beginning – sex multiple times a day, every day. But now they have four kids and work, and it’s just not realistic. “Yeah, but sometimes we go two weeks. Sometimes three. Once we even stretched it to a month,” Dean says. Tori looks at Dr. Wexler like, can you believe this guy? Dr. Wexler tells him that his expectations of married sex life is “a fairy tale.” (Yeah, if by “fairy tale” she means [...]

SALEM, Episode Two

For the uninitiated, SALEM takes the historical fact of the Salem witch trials, and throws a twist into it: Witches were, in fact, real. The killing of innocent Puritans was a result of the witches turning the townspeople on one another, fanning the flames of witch hysteria, until Salem is left to the witches. We open with preacher Cotton Mather, distraught, reading over old texts, trying to figure out what is going on. He wonders, “Is this the price of building heaven on earth?” He prays for guidance, for a sign. Meanwhile, Isaac the Fornicator (the man who was in the stocks when the last episode opened) is hauling dead bodies to an open grave. Cotton is busy with the [...]

Real Housewives of New York, Episode Five Recap

We have some loose ends to tie up from last week before we move on to this week’s drama. And it gets REAL. The rancor from last week continues as we pick up at LuAnn’s barbecue. The “housewives” go around and around in circles over bookgate. Heather tells Amanda she has been “so insulting” to everyone (as if they all don’t tear each other apart on a regular basis.) The group is completely polarized between Carole and Aviva. Aviva’s husband defends her, while the other men stand around impotently. Heather starts talking “street,” which apparently she picked up hanging out with P Diddy. All the women (aside from Aviva) pretend they don’t even know who Amanda is, even though she [...]

Reality Romance: Eric & Jessie, Episode Two Recap

The genetically blessed couple will be apart for two weeks, as Eric heads to New York and Jessie goes to LA to finish recording her new album — her first in five years — and then to Nashville for her baby shower. Jessie arrives at The London Hotel in Los Angeles with her mother. Jessie tells her mother it’s been hard to get the album finished because she wanted to be there for Eric during football season. Her Mom asked how he felt about her leaving just before he leaves for New York, and she says he’s not thrilled about it but knows it’s something she has to do. Jessie is also on the verge of getting sick. Back in [...]

Real Housewives of New York, Episode Four Recap

Sonja is putting together a Hampton’s fundraiser for the LGBT youth center. It’s going to be a “cabarlesque” — a combination of cabaret and “soft burlesque.” (Very soft, as we will soon see.) We open with Sonja late for rehearsal. When she finally shows up, she basically goofs around and misses all of her marks. “I have my own way of moving. Very confident. If I may say, very Liza Minnelli.” Carole and Kristen are driving out to the Hamptons for Sonja’s event. Josh is meeting them out there later, and Kristen is happy for the time apart because she’s still angry about the Spartan Race. At the the way they struggle to get into their wet suits, you pretty [...]

FRIENDS WITH BETTER LIVES, Series Premiere Recap

I’ll admit: I cried at the ending of How I Met Your Mother last night. So when it was immediately followed by Friends With Better Lives, (introducing an entirely new cast of six new “friends”) it was probably, as they say, “too soon.” Still, I tried to get into it. And there were some amusing moments. But it’s going to take more than one episode to get me fully invested in this crew of dysfunctional people who all think the other ones have it better. We first meet married couple Bobby (Kevin Connolly) and Andi. They are under a blanket on the couch, talking about how they were so loud they probably woke their child. “Should we do it again?” [...]

Real Housewives of New York, Episode Three Recap

We continue right where we left off last week, with Carole and Aviva duking it out over their literary cred. Carole tells Aviva that she doesn’t talk about her parenting, so “don’t talk about my career.” It gets ugly. Carole tells Aviva she’s a sick person. Proving her point, Aviva retorts, “And who in the Kennedys are you still friends with today?” Carole tells Aviva she’s a psychopath with no soul. Aviva says, “Well, at least I’m not fifty years old.”  How do the other ladies react? Romana tells the camera she feels “really bad” about being the catalyst for the fight. Yeah. She also says, “To tell you the truth, Aviva can turn. And when she turns — look [...]

Girls, Season Three Finale

The uneven third season of Girls concluded last night with cliffhangers, some earned and some not. We start out with Hannah getting her mail, and who should wander into the hallway but Adam’s crazy sister Caroline. Hannah asks, where are your shoes? She says why do I need shoes? I’m in my hallway. Laird opens his door and is like sweetie, “do you know where the iced tea is?” So there’s that. Oh, and she’s pregnant. Upstairs in her apartment Hannah opens her mail and finds a letter that makes her makes her jump for joy. She goes to Marnie’s apartment, and Marnie immediately starts in that she knows she has to tell Shoshana what happened with Ray, and she [...]

Girls, Episode Eleven Recap

Adam and Hannah are having sex. (This is surprising because it seemed like he was breaking up with her at the end of the last episode.) When they are finished, he pulls off his condom and starts getting dressed. (Okay, now it makes sense.) Hannah: Wait, so you’re just going to leave? Adam: Come on, kid, we’ve talked about this. She says no, he talked about it and she listened. He says he has to go to Ray’s so he is sure to do his vocal exercises. If he stays with her they’re just going to sleep, wake up, and have sex again (though he worded it a bit more, um, bluntly.) She says she knows, and she’s so proud [...]

The Real Housewives of New York City, Season Six Premiere Recap

I’ll admit I was a RHONY virgin before watching the Season 6 premiere this week (and I’m aware the word virgin doesn’t belong anywhere near the words Real Housewives of New York). I tuned in mostly because I’m a fan of Carole Radziwill’s books — her poignant memoir What Remains, and more recently her debut novel The Widows Guide to Sex and Dating. So I was excited when the show opened with Carole getting made up for her author photo shoot. Fellow housewife Heather is along for support. Carole hates getting her photo taken. To get her mind off of it, Heather asks about Russ — her ex-boyfriend? From what Carole says it seems the break-up wasn’t amicable. She tells [...]

Girls, Episode Ten Recap

Finally, GIRLS back to its best: laugh-out-loud humor and a deep pathos that lingers long after the closing credits. Hannah is out pounding shots with her work friends and she gets so drunk she barely makes it outside the bar before she pukes. Joe brings her back to his place and takes care of her all night. The next day, Marnie shows up at Soojin’s new gallery space to discuss a job. “What I really need is an assistant who’s more qualified than I am.” “Assistant?” Marnie squeeks. Soojin tells her yes, it’s a really small staff and her “best homo friend” is already gallery director. Marnie takes the job. Before leaving, she asks Soojin, “How old are you?” She’s [...]

Favorite Moments: The Oscars

Did you watch the Oscars last night? I have to admit, I watched mostly for the clothes–thank you E! Fashion Police for the extensive coverage–and the host–Ellen Degeneres never disappoints. Here are my three favorite moments from last night: 1. Jared Leto (and his fabulous hair) and Matthew McConaughey winning for their roles in Dallas Buyers Club. Photo courtesy of Billboard.com Photo courtesy of the LA Times 2. Lupita Nyong’o’s incredible baby blue Prada dress. Stunning. Photo courtesy of blog.zap2it.com 3. Ellen’s selfie. A genius act of retweeting glory. Photo courtesy of thewrap.com What were your favorite parts? Do you think anyone got robbed of an award they deserved? Tell us in the comments!   

Mixology, Premiere Recap

The premise of the show is that the entire season takes place over the course of one night. “This is the story of ten strangers, one night, and all of the embarrassing, ridiculous things we do to find love.” We start with Tom. Tom is your typical nice guy nursing a broken heart. His friends Bruce and Cal have him out at a trendy bar in New York City to get back on his feet. His friend tells him it’s so easy to get a woman to sleep with you: “Sex and the City changed the game, my friend.” At first, one of Tom’s friend suggests a woman wearing flats, but the other friend says no way, “Women who wear [...]

Downton Season Finale

“A year ago, I thought I’d be alone forever. That I would mourn Mathew til the end of my days. Now I know that isn’t true. That there will be a new life for me one day. And even if I can’t decide yet what life that should be, isn’t that something for us to celebrate?” — Lady Mary As the season comes to a close, everyone is in London for Rose’s presentation to society. We have skipped ahead eight months from when we last saw the family, and we know this because Edith is already back from Switzerland, sans baby. It’s the first time we’ve seen the family’s London townhouse, and we also meet a new character:  Cora’s scandalized [...]

Girls, Episode Eight Recap

Hannah is in the window seat of a cute at a cafe waiting to interview Patti LuPone for a GQ advertorial. She’s extremely excited about this, and tells the waitress that when Patti LuPone arrives, to let her know where Hannah is sitting. The waitress clearly doesn’t know who Patti LuPone is. Hannah can’t believe it. She’s like, you know:  ”Don’t cry for me Argentina…” Her phone rings, and it’s Adam. She tells him she’s at her Patti LuPone interview, and he says he’s at his call back. “Oh my God are you excited?”  He says that everyone there looks “how I’d look like with a nose job.” A guy named Desi at the call back tells him the casting [...]

Downton Abbey, Episode Seven Recap

“My dear, all life is a series of problems which we must try and solve. First one, then the next, and the next, until at last, we die.” — Violet Edith, Mary, and Branson are checking on the pigs, freshly recovered from their evening of being rescued by Mary and Blake. They are accompanied by  Mr. Drewe (the tenant farmer from a few episodes ago who borrowed money from Robert to keep his family farm). Mary and Branson ask if he will help tend to them. He is thankful for the job, and says it’s the second good turn the family has given him. He hopes he can pay it back one day. Violet is also on the mend, but [...]

Girls, Episode Seven Recap

“I thought this would be a nice opportunity for us to have fun together and prove via Instagram that we can still have fun as a group. “ – Marnie Marnie has a perfect getaway weekend planned for the girls. It’s going to be a time to vent and bond. But thanks to Hannah, things don’t go as planned. We open with Marnie setting name cards and flowers in the bedrooms of a beach house worthy of a Nancy Meyers’ film. It’s Marnie’s mother’s friend’s house, as we learn when Hannah, Shoshana, and Jessa arrive via bus from the city. Shosh says she can’t believe they’re in the Hamptons, and Marnie corrects her that it’s not the Hamptons, it’s the North [...]

Reality Romance: Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Episode Four Recap

Kanye wants everyone in San Francisco for Kim’s birthday. “Don’t you wonder what it’s for?” ask Khloe. Um, no.  I’ve seen the previews. Kim tells BFF Jonathan Chabon she has saved all the magazine covers from the week she gave birth (don’t we all?). “I was huge,” she proclaims. They discuss how cute the baby is. “Her passport is so cute.” Of course, we must take her word for it, because they never show the baby on camera. Kim has taken over Kris’s closet. Kim goes to Kourtney’s house and criticizes her extreme wallpapering. Kourtney tells the camera that Kim’s judgments of the family are getting out of hand. Cut to a montage of clips showing Kim criticizing everyone: Bruce’s [...]

Downton Abbey, Episode 6 Recap

This week, the drama hits high gear. Poor Bates. Will the turmoil never end? A telegraph has just arrived alerting him to the fact that Robert has go to America — some problem with Cora’s brother. But he doesn’t want to leave now considering what’s going on with Anna. Robert is in the bedroom freaking out to Cora that her mother is calling him to America to help save her brother’s reputation. Mrs. Hughes appeals to Mary to see if her father can go to America without Bates. Mary says, “I hope we are good employers. But even we expect to get what we pay for.” Mary says, “If you wish to enlist my help, I must know the facts.” [...]

Girls, Episode 6 Recap

This week, we see that Hannah thinks she’s too special to have to endure a day job, and that Ray and Shosh just might be made for each other. Hannah tells Ray she’s quitting the coffee shop. “I’m so sorry you won’t be gracing us with your presence anymore. And I’ll see you in about a week when you quit whatever bs gig you’re leaving for and come back begging for your old job back.” Hannah: I’m sure it must hurt to see some leave ‘all this,’ but it’s really not a b.s. job. She tells him she has a gig at GQ magazine. He asks her if they need someone for a before picture in a makeover article. She [...]

Downton Abbey Episode Five Recap

“I’m not unhappy. I’m just not quite ready to be happy.” — Lady Mary Things are heating up. Edith is still anxiously awaiting the mail. Still no word from Michael.  Robert has some sort of correspondence from Cora’s brother, “Uncle Harold,” about his business problems. Anna catches Bates looking deep in thought. She doesn’t want him worrying about her. “Your husband is a brooder,” he tells her. “And brooders brood.” Rose has a surprise planned for Robert’s birthday celebration. Rose tells Mrs. Hughes that she is bringing in a band for that evening’s festivities. Apparently, this is borderline scandalous. Barrow is snooping around looking to uncover secrets, pumping Baxter for information. Cora finds Edith just getting off the phone, in [...]

Superbowl Ads Recap

If you’re like me, you watched the Superbowl pretty much exclusively for the ads and the halftime show. When I wasn’t scarfing down chips and dip, I took note of my favorite ads and I’ve got them embedded here so if you were–God, forbid–actually watching the game and using commmercial breaks for bathroom and beer refills, check these out. 1. Budweiser’s “Puppy Love” Commercial. It’s too cute not to post here. And it’s romantic. The puppy and the horse bring the man and woman together. Heartwarming. I’m not sure exactly what it has to do with beer, but who cares?   2. Jeep’s “Restless” Commercial. This one appealed to basically everything that I’ve been feeling in the stir-crazy month of [...]