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What is love? + Giveaway!
What is love?
By Cassandra Carr
We romance authors think we have love all figured out. But do we, really? Consider this famous passage from Sense & Sensibility:
Mrs. Dashwood: Why so grave? You disapprove her choice?
Marianne: By no means. Edward is very amiable.
Mrs. Dashwood: Amiable? But?
Marianne: There is something wanting. He’s too sedate. His reading last night…
Mrs. Dashwood: Elinor has not your feelings. His reserve suits her.
Marianne: Can he love her? Can the soul be really be satisfied with such polite affections? To love is to burn – to be on fire, like Juliet or Guinevere or Eloise…
Mrs. Dashwood: They made rather pathetic ends, dear.
Marianne: Pathetic? To die for love? How can you say so? What could be more glorious?
So what is love? Should we all be burning? Should we be on fire? Or is it something different? And how does love change over time?
Psychologists define three distinct phases of love: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust is simply that “I need this person to mate with me NOW” feeling you get when you first notice someone in a sexual way. Attraction is the next step, when you can’t get your lover off your mind, when you can’t see their flaws. At this stage, love truly is blind. Then, after a time, you settle into attachment. Couples in attachment are oftentimes the ones facing problems and struggles because they’ve been together for a while and have discovered their partner’s faults. This is also the time when external forces–money problems, children, etc complicate the relationship.
How long does each stage last? Lust is the shortest and attachment is longest stage. Lust usually turns into attraction within a few months of meeting someone, and attraction turns to attachment after the couple has been together for a while, and oftentimes happens within the first year or two of marrying someone, living with them, or even seeing them exclusively. Is it a bad thing that lust turns into attraction and then into attachment? Yes, and no. Couples in lust tend to say they’re very happy, but the most long-term happiness seems to come from attachment. So like in many things in life, there are two sides to the coin.
What do you think? What is love?
BIO:
Cassandra Carr is a multi-published, award-winning erotic romance writer with Ellora’s Cave, Siren, and Loose Id who lives in Western New York with her husband, Inspiration, and her daughter, Too Cute for Words. When not writing she enjoys watching hockey and hanging out on Twitter. Cassandra’s book Caught was recently named Best BDSM Book 2011 by LoveRomancesCafe.
BLURB FOR IMPACT:
Professional bull rider Conner Raub hides a secret from the world. He’s a Dom. When he meets a submissive on tour who pulls at his Dom tendencies, he fights to deny his true self, believing his colleagues will condemn his lifestyle.
Jessica Talbot is new to the BDSM scene and the bull riding tour, but after seeing Conner come to the aid of a submissive being mistreated in a club, she sets out to have him for her own. After their first night together she asks him to train her to submit and he refuses, afraid to mix business with pleasure. But Jessica isn’t deterred. She’ll do whatever it takes to make him realize he can have it all—a career, true love, and the BDSM lifestyle he craves.
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Cassandra Carr
“It’s a job. It’s not a hobby.” — Rosellen Brown
For more information about Cassandra, check out her website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com, “like” her Facebook fan page at http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCassandraCarr or follow her on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/Cassandra_Carr.
I agree that you need to have a sexual interest/ feeling for your mate. But to me enduring love is more about the attachment phase. You need to consider someone elses ideas and feelings into the equation and be willing to compromise an LISTEN to what your partner is saying. If there is no give or take or communication I don’t think the relationship has a chance of surviving.
I agree that you need to have a sexual interest/ feeling for your mate. But to me enduring love is more about the attachment phase. You need to consider someone elses ideas and feelings into the equation and be willing to compromise and LISTEN to what your partner is saying. If there is no give or take or communication I don’t think the relationship has a chance of surviving.
I completely agree. A marriage can’t last long-term if you’re not attached to each other and willing to compromise and make sacrifices.
Love is internal and personal to everyone. For me, it is the funny feeling I get when I spend time with my hubby and when I can’t wait to get home to share things with him
I love that you get the funny feeling! I’m sure I annoy my hubs sometimes with my excited babbling about things, but he’s very patient.
Love is when you find the beauty within.
I love that definition!!!!
Since people are different, the definition is probably different for everyone – but, when it is real it lasts forever – unconditional, and hot!
I like that: “when it is real it lasts forever” – someone should steal that for their slogan!
I think love is when you accept someone even with all their flaws. You love them in spite of those imperfections.
Yes, because heaven knows none of us are perfect!
After 35 years of lust, attraction, and affection, I can attest that love is a powerful force. Through kids, tears, bills, and medical scares, having a lover by your side is the best luck charm there is.Thanks for explaining this, Cassandra, and good luck with your writing.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Nancy!
My parents celebrated their 40th anniversary a few years ago, and they’re quite obviously still in love. That’s what I strive for!
I think it is our basic beliefs are pretty similar. My husband and I disagree on some things. But the major things, we agree on. And to burn, yes, of course. That is real too. We have been married 32 years. And thankfully, we still enjoy a good burn every now and then.
Heh. Is that a euphemism?
But yes, agreeing on the fundamentals is very important. I can’t imagine my hubs and I differing on things like religion, schooling, etc.
It’s different for everyone, I think…. Some will say that it’s passion… and some will say that it’s comfortable/safe feeling…
That probably depends on where they fall in the “love cycle” I described above…or whether they’re a teenager.
I think of love as a feeling that puts another persons happiness, wants, and needs before your own. I think it needs to be nurtured… left unattended or abused it fades away.
Yes! A very important point to make. You need to work on your love just like you work on everything else. Don’t take it for granted, because if you do, it won’t be there someday.
Love is accepting a person for who they are & not trying to fix them. Yup, it’s a challenge.
Thanks for a great post. You nailed it… can’t add anything to it
Well… maybe just that I’m enjoying it more since I’m older. Now that I’m in my 30′s the infatuation stage is more fun. Not so dire or dramatic as when it was when you were younger
Love is sacrifices on both side. You both have to give or it will not work. Love is really so many different things.
I think for real love to last it has to be built on a foundation of friendship and trust.(Of course,a little chemistry doesn’t hurt either)
Love to me is like water, everflowing, evergiving, everlasting. The more you give the more it comes back many times over. That drop into the river touches everyone even those you don’t know. It is a sense of releasing yourself.
I think many people mistake lust for love. It’s hard to define love, but you definitely need to know a person inside and out.
I think it’s accepting someone for who he/she is and not wanting to change him/her.
I’ve read the comments, and really I agree with most of them – some more than others! I do think love depends on the person. There are some people who are happily in love but for the life of me I cannot understand their relationship!
Love is the butterflies in the stomach when you see him. Love is the feeling of safety and trust when with him. Love is agreeing to disagree. Love is happiness, sadness, being content and being free.
Love is when you care more about the other person than yourself (but that has to go both ways).
Love is the attachment, while keeping in touch with the lust and attraction, keeping them alive and part of the relationship.
robindpdx(at)yahoo(dot)com
my answer :
love can come anytime and without a reason why..
thank for the giveaway..^^
Love is when a girl finds the one guy she’ll be with until the end of time.
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